D'argo and John walk through the corridors.

D'ARGO: His name is T'raltixx.

JOHN: And you brought him on board?

D'ARGO: He said he could adjust Moya's electromagnetics so that no one would be able to trace us.

JOHN: Oh great, so he's like one of those mechanics on Sixty Minutes, he says he's gonna help and then he screws us.

D'ARGO: Crichton, we have to do something. Scorpius has left wanted beacons for us all over the commerce planet.

John sighs, opens the door to the maintenance bay and they enter. John stops a large container of goods that Chiana is pushing in. A DRD is holding up a square of the food, which John takes.

JOHN: What'd you buy?

CHIANA: Dried food rectangles.

JOHN: That's it?

CHIANA: That's it. A thousand units of 'em.

JOHN: [takes a bite] Crackers. You just bought crackers?!

CHIANA: Oh, God, I tried to tell 'em to buy somethin' else and - and they didn't listen to me. Excuse me, please.

Chiana wheels away the container. John walks over to Aeryn, who is tinkering with a beacon.

AERYN: This is why we only had time to get crackers.

JOHN: [clears throat] That's a wanted beacon.

AERYN: I saw ten of them in the market in the city. We had to get off of the planet straight away before anyone figured out who we were.

JOHN: Well, it does make a beautiful souvenir, Aeryn.

AERYN: Well, I'm trying to find a trace signal to Scorpius' location on it, and that way we can go in the opposite direction.

ZHAAN: T'raltixx is ready.

AERYN: Oh, yes. Um, Zhaan has decided to test T'raltixx's device on your module.

JOHN: Wonderful. Wouldn't want to use your Prowler, would we?

AERYN: Well no thanks to you, the module has Moya modifications on it, so we can monitor and verify the results.

T'RALTIXX: The center device I've make for Moya will be much larger than this, of course. But it works on the same principal. It programs itself on the inverse of the power drive. I-I'll need someone to start the module, please.

JOHN: Yeah, of course you will. [walks to T'raltixx] You know, I once bought a set of knives from this guy on t.v. Cat swore to me that - that they could - they could cut bone, metal, shoes. Hell, he could cut through my damn car and still dice tomatoes! You know what? He was lyin'.

T'RALTIXX: I-I don't understand. If-if you don't wish my-my services-

JOHN cuts in: Bingo! Give brainiac the fluffy doll!

T'RALTIXX: Please uh-uh, softer. Your - your voice hurts my ears.

JOHN: Okay. Softer. I don't want you here. But. They do. So, I'm gonna start my engine. However, I love my module. So nothin' funky better happen to it.

T'RALTIXX: Excuse me, be sure to turn the power drive on for just ten microts. Ten exactly. More than that and the center device will overheat and explode.

John waves two fingers in front of his own eyes and Aeryn giggles through the handful of crackers she's stuffing in her mouth.

JOHN: It gets better and better all the time doesn't it, guys?

John steps into his module and flips switches, turning on the engines.

JOHN: One…

The drive powers up. John's module slowly begins disappearing, beginning at the rear. He doesn't see that the invisibility has nearly eclipsed his own body.

JOHN: Six…seven…eight…[flips switch]…ten.

ZHAAN: By the Goddess it worked!

JOHN: See? Nothin' happened.

He sees Zhaan smiling happily.

JOHN: What? What are you all looking at?

Pilot's den.

JOHN: Nope. I don't like it either, but he did it. My module disappeared, I disappeared.

PILOT: How is your module?

JOHN: Checked out fine. I checked out fine

. PILOT: While vaguely concerned about you, I'm much more interested in how this will affect Moya.

JOHN: Look, T'raltixx's device may be our only way past the bounty hunters that Scorpius is gonna send after us.

PILOT: That may be, but I don't think it's wise to go to the transformation yards on his planet.

JOHN: He says he can't build the device out here, it's too big.

PILOT: Do you trust him?

JOHN: Have you seen him? He's blind. He's got a big head, but he's blind. Barring the Yoda factor, if he gives us any trouble, we lock him up.

PILOT: But do you trust him?

JOHN: Hell no, I don't trust him. Do I look stupid to you? No, please, don't answer that question. Pilot…you do the long range scan on the planet. We send Aeryn out in the Prowler to check it out. We're gonna play this thing safe. I think it's worth the risk.

PILOT: [sighs] Changing course, now.

Moya heads towards five bright pulsar stars.

T'raltixx, Zhaan, D'argo, John and Rygel stand on command.

T'RALTIXX: My planet is one solar day's travel beyond the five pulsars.

ZHAAN: They're beautiful.

T'RALTIXX: Yes, but I should warn you.

JOHN: Oh, here it comes.

T'RALTIXX: It's - don't worry, it's nothing, really. But as we travel through the pulsar light, occasionally, it effects…lesser species.

D'ARGO: Well define lesser species.

T'RALTIXX: Oh, genetic labels, ungifted menials. It's rare that it would disturb beings of your sentient stature.

D'ARGO: Mm. Now what exactly does this light do to those lesser species?

T'RALTIXX: Slight impairment of judgement…um…some wooooziness, perhaps.

JOHN: And that's it?

T'RALTIXX: That's it. The effects are minor, and temporary.

They all look at the pulsars in silence, for several moments.

JOHN: Anybody feel anything?

D'ARGO: Nope.

RYGEL: No.

ZHAAN: I do. [deep breath in] Aah, I feel good. The light.

JOHN & D'ARGO: Oh great.

John waves fingers in front of T'raltixx's face, as they walk down the corridor.

T'RALTIXX: Two fingers.

JOHN: I thought you were blind.

T'RALTIXX: I am, but my other faculties have compensated. I-I have developed an internal radar of sorts. I may never be able to read a database, but I can sense motion and [steps over a DRD] avoid most DRD's.

JOHN: Hang on a sec.

John walks away, into the center chamber. Chiana's munching on crackers.

JOHN: Pip, whatcha doin'?

CHIANA: Oh, I'm having sex with three Hynerian donkeys. What does it look like?

JOHN: How come you weren't up in command? Didn't you want to see the pulsar lights?

CHIANA: I've seen everything the Universe has, Crichton. Don't worry. I was listening. The light won't effect me.

JOHN: Are you saving some?

CHIANA: What?

JOHN: Crackers, what you're stuffing in your face. Are you saving some for the rest of us?

CHIANA: [full mouth] Oh, well there's plenty more.

JOHN: Right.

He exits and passes D'argo on the way out. They look at each other suspiciously. D'argo watches Crichton exit.

D'ARGO: What was all that about?

CHIANA: He thinks I'm stealin' food! He thinks I'm taking more than my share!

D'ARGO: And are you?

CHIANA: No. [pause] Look, we gotta talk.

T'raltixx and John continue to walk the corridors.

JOHN: What was wrong with that one?

T'RALTIXX: Uh, too noisy. My ears detect sounds well above your range. Is there anything further from the engine core?

JOHN: Fine, I'll take you down another tier.

They cross Rygel's cell along the way.

RYGEL: What are you doing?

JOHN: I'm finding T'raltixx a place to bunk.

RYGEL: Well he's not coming in here!

JOHN: He wouldn't wanna go in there, cranky. All of his senses are heightened. Including his nose, you might kill him without intending to.

Rygel growls, as they walk away. John walks back a few steps.

JOHN: Oh, but…you know, you might want to get back to the center chamber.

RYGEL: Why?

JOHN: No reason. Just uh….Chiana's eating all the food. [rejoins T'raltixx] That guy eats and craps his body weight, twice a day.

T'RALTIXX: I see. Hmm. Yes.

Aeryn continues to tinker with the beacon. Scorpius holo-image appears.

SCORPIUS: Reward for the capture of John Crichton. Reward for the capture of John Crichton. [Aeryn hits it] John Crichton. John - [hits it again] [cuts off]

ZHAAN: What've you done?

AERYN: I haven't done anything. There's obviously a burn glitch in the transmission and I'm just trying to see if there's anymore data on it.

ZHAAN: Like what?

AERYN: Like uh, I don't know, like why don't you leave me alone and go and sit in the sun.

Zhaan takes a few steps towards her.

ZHAAN: You wouldn't tell me, would you?

AERYN: Tell you what?

ZHAAN: If there was another message on there say….a personal message from Scorpius, offering you a pardon for turning us in.

AERYN: Do you have to be so frelling annoying? I'm trying to work, here.

JOHN on comm.: Zhaan, where are you?

ZHAAN: I'm up in the maintenance bay John, about to have a fight with Aeryn.

JOHN: Don't do that. Remember what T'raltixx said about the pulsar light?

ZHAAN: That's right. He said it af- it affected lesser species. That might explain her behavior.

JOHN: Then get down here. It's your turn to babysit T'raltixx. You brought his fuzzy ass on board, and he's drivin' me nuts.

ZHAAN: Are you sure you're alright, John?

JOHN: I'm fine. Just get your big blue butt down here.

D'argo walks the corridors. Near the center chamber, he hears Rygel inside. He enters.

D'ARGO: What are you doing?

RYGEL: Hm? Nothing. I'm-I'm just uh-

D'ARGO cuts in: What are you doing?!

Rygel doesn't answer, so D'argo storms over to him and grabs him by his robes, bring him to eye level.

RYGEL: Crichton - Crichton said Chiana was stealing food!

D'ARGO: Oh, so you decided to get here first?

RYGEL: The little mallick will eat anything that's not maggot covered!

D'ARGO: Obviously, so will you. Chiana told me that you would start to rob from us.

RYGEL: But I'm not! It's that bitch! It's Chiana! She's-

D'ARGO cuts in: She's not the one eating, here! But if you want your crackers so badly…I'll give your eminence crackers.

D'argo slams him onto his back on the table.

RYGEL: Oh, don't!

D'ARGO: You wanted crackers!

D'argo grabs handfuls of nearby crackers, stuffing them into Rygel's mouth.

D'ARGO: We've got plenty! You see? Now eat! You've got three stomachs, and one of them must be empty! Eat it!! Eat it!!

After a moment, he stops. Rygel gasps frantically. He steps away for a moment, shakes his head with a growl and exits.

T'raltixx's chambers. Zhaan lays on the bed, smiling and reaching out for the light.

T'RALTIXX to comm: Pilot?

PILOT: Yes?

T'RALTIXX: I think there's something wrong with Zhaan. She seems to be in some kind of trance.

PILOT: Is she smiling?

T'RALTIXX: Yes, I think so.

PILOT: She's probably just….enjoying the pulsar light. She's a plant. Put her in the light, watch her smile.

T'RALTIXX: May I ask you one more thing?

PILOT: Yes?

T'RALTIXX: Crichton and the rest on Moya. Do you like them?

PILOT: You know…I don't think I do like them.

T'RALTIXX: I thought as much.

John walks the corridors.

JOHN to comm: Pilot! Pilot.

PILOT: Yes?

JOHN: Where are you? We've been comm-ing you for half an arn. Why didn't you pick up?

PILOT: I didn't hear. There must be something wrong with your signal.

JOHN: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you noticed anything different around here, shell head? In case you haven't, let me be the first to inform you, that people are starting to act a little strange. Why don't you run a spectrum analysis to see what's in the light to cause this.

PILOT: I'll run a scan.

JOHN: Thank you, so much.

John hears Aeryn and Chiana bickering in the maintenance bay and heads that way.

CHIANA: Aeryn, just give me a look!

AERYN: Will you stop it?! CHIANA: What are you hiding? Aw, come on! Let me see it! If there's nothing on there, then show me the whole message!

AERYN: Back off, Chiana!

CHIANA: Oh no, sister. I think maybe you should back off! Zhaan told us you're hiding something-

JOHN cuts in: What the hell is goin' on, here?

AERYN: Nothing.

CHIANA: She won't play me the message. There's a hidden message on there, and she won't show it to me!

AERYN: She's out of her frelling mind, there's nothing on there!

JOHN: Show her the message.

AERYN: What?

JOHN: Show her the message. If there's nothing secret on the beacon, then show her the message and she can get the hell out of here.

CHIANA: Wait a minute. Why do you want me to watch it? Oh. What's on there you want me to see?

JOHN: You know what? Aeryn's right. You're freakin' insane.

AERYN: Thank you!

D'argo enters.

D'ARGO: What's going on in here?

JOHN: Go back to your mountain Grizzly, you're not wanted here.

CHIANA: They're up to somethin'. They are! They're workin' together! First of all they don't want me to watch the beacon, and now they want me to watch the beacon.

JOHN: Oh yeah, I could give a squirrels nut what you [flicks her] watch.

D'argo pulls him away.

D'ARGO: Why won't you show her what's on the beacon?

JOHN: You get your hands off of me!

D'argo punches John, knocking him down. Aeryn comes over to D'argo.

AERYN: Whoa! I don't think so!!

Aeryn and D'argo stare at each other. John gets up.

JOHN: Aeryn! D'argo! What the hell are we doin'? Look at it. We're fighting over lousy crackers and secret messages that don't exist! You know, we were never normal, guys. Somebody wanna tell me what's happenin'?

D'argo stares down Aeryn for another moment, then walks away, towards Chiana.

D'ARGO: Sorry, John.

JOHN: That's alright, Champ. Just as soon as we get past the pulsars, everything will be back to…normal.

AERYN: I hope so. And, Chiana, feel free to take a look or not take a look, I - I really don't care.

CHIANA: Yeah. That's right. I'll - I'll do wha-what I wanna do.

Chiana exits.

AERYN: Great. Okay. You know, I was only trying to be polite!!

Aeryn exits maintenance bay in another direction. D'argo steps up next to John.

D'ARGO: You alright?

JOHN: [chuckles] Yeah, I'm fine. You?

D'ARGO: I'm good.

D'argo exits.

JOHN: Oo yeah. You're real good. [to comm.] Pilot. Pilot! [evil chuckle] Don't make me come up there. Pilot!!

John exits.

Unseen by everyone else, T'raltixx was positioned above them, on the ceiling. He has his head turned around completely, so that it's looking from his back. He "sees" a DRD, turns his head back, and fires a bright light out of his "eyes", shutting off the DRD. It releases from the ceiling, and falls to the floor. T'raltixx skitters across a rib.

T'raltixx's quarters.

JOHN: A little. You said a little. You said the pulsars might affect judgement a little. I'd say that this is a little more than a little!

T'RALTIXX: Well, I'm sorry. I've - I've never heard of the pulsars affecting sentient beings so…drastically.

JOHN: Uh huh, why is it not affecting you?

T'RALTIXX: I - I think it must be my blindness. No one's sure why, but the light disturbs optic neurons and triggers distrust. I have no neurons thus, no distrust.

ZHAAN: Just enjoy it, John. Enjoy it.

JOHN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have another one, blue girl.

Zhaan laughs.

JOHN: Ionic radiation, it gives her photogasms. Unless she's fakin' it. They can do that you know. Hey, Zhaan you fakin' it?

ZHAAN: [giggles] No. Oh, no no.

T'RALTIXX: Well, perhaps we should turn back. My device is not worth risking any of you.

ZHAAN: Shut up! We are not turning back. I want Moya to stay right here, and go round in circles.

JOHN: There's no point, is there? Turning back. We're already halfway through the pulsar field.

T'RALTIXX: So the effects should start diminishing soon.

JOHN: One would hope so. They better.

Aeryn walks warily through the corridors, pulse pistol drawn. At the end of the corridor, she hears a noise.

AERYN: [whispering] Rygel, I know you're down here!

She sees an access shaft and runs to it, pulling the door off of it. Inside is Rygel. She grabs him.

RYGEL: L-let go of me! Did D'argo send you to finish the job?

AERYN: [whispers] Be quiet. I'm not gonna hurt you. Yet. But I don't want anybody to hear us, so shut up. [pause] Now, I don't like you Rygel. I think you're a coward and a zannot, but maybe that's why I can trust you. You'd be too much of a coward to betray me.

RYGEL: I t-trust you too, Aeryn.

AERYN: [whispers] Shut up! Now, I've got a plan and I need somebody to watch my back against the others. [aims gun at him] Do you want to volunteer?

Chiana and D'argo talk in the corridor.

CHIANA: Aeryn's definitely hiding something from me. There's something else on that beacon.

D'ARGO: Do you think she's trying to contact Scorpius?

CHIANA: Through the beacon.

D'ARGO: She could be trying to turn us in.

CHIANA: Working with Crichton.

D'ARGO: [growls] I'm not sure. The only way to protect ourselves is to get off this ship. Chiana, we-

They see Zhaan coming.

CHIANA: You deal with it.

Chiana exits.

D'argo steps out in front of Zhaan's path.

ZHAAN: Hello, D'argo.

D'ARGO: What do you want, Zhaan?

ZHAAN: More light.

D'ARGO: Are you working with Crichton?

ZHAAN: What are you talking about? Leave me alone.

She begins to walk away.

D'ARGO: Zhaan.

She turns, and he zaps her with his tongue, knocking her out. Chiana steps out of hiding.

D'ARGO: She's definitely working with Crichton.

CHIANA: Definitely!

Pilot's den. John's laying his head on crossed arms, on the console.

PILOT: I'm only judging on my experience with you, but I've never seen such a deficient species.

JOHN: Have you run the scan on the pulsar light, yet?

PILOT: How do humans make it through a cycle, even half a cycle, without killing each other.

JOHN: We find it difficult. Have you run the scan?

PILOT: You have no special abilities, you're not particularly smart, can hardly smell, can barely see, and you're not even vaguely physically or spiritually imposing. Is there anything you do well?

JOHN: Watch football. Have you run the scan?

PILOT: Nobody trusts you Crichton. Do you know that? Sometimes they pity you, because of your incompetence. You-

John climbs onto the console.

JOHN talks over him: My mom always said, if you want something done… do it yourself!

PILOT: …amuse them and - Don't touch my console!

JOHN: Oh you want to talk about incompetence!

PILOT: Go away!

JOHN: I would dump your ass in a heartbeat, if I had a choice!

PILOT: I told you not to touch!

The console sparks, sending John tumbling off.

PILOT: I warned you!

John looks around the den, with a clearer mind. He stands up.

JOHN: Pilot. What the hell's happened to you?

PILOT: Nothing's happening to me!

JOHN: Can you see the light?

PILOT: What are you talking about?

JOHN: The pulsar light, does it physically come in here?

PILOT: No. My readings would have registered on Moya's database.

JOHN: So you can't actually see the light? So why are you being affected by it?

PILOT: I'm not! Now get out!

JOHN: I've been in the light! Zhaan's been in the light! But….[points towards pilot, then snaps his fingers.]

John enters the center chamber. Aeryn and Rygel are there.

JOHN: Hey, guys, I think I'm onto something.

AERYN: Stay back! We're only taking our equal share of food.

JOHN: I'm just trying to - to -

RYGEL cuts in If he comes any closer, shoot him!

JOHN: Look. Don't make me crazy, okay! It's hard enough trying-

AERYN cuts in: People have been stealing food. So, we're only going to take what -

JOHN cuts in: I don't care about crackers!

RYGEL: We do! We want-

JOHN cuts in: Food! Is that what this is all about? Is that it? Okay. Then where's my ice cream?

AERYN: What?

JOHN: Where's my ice cream?

RYGEL: Savage, I know almost every food in the Galaxy-

JOHN cuts in: Where's my damn ice cream?!

RYGEL: I have no idea what "izis gream" is>!

JOHN: Is that it, Sparky? Gonna take the road well traveled? Gonna play dumb? [sings] I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. ["normal"/singsong] Baskin Robbins, Ben and Jerry's, Good Humor. What's your favorite? Creamsicle or Fudgesicle?!

John runs off.

T'raltixx's quarters.

PILOT on comm.: T'raltixx. Where are my DRD's? There are none up here.

T'RALTIXX: I'm sorry, Pilot. I should have told you. I need their help.

PILOT: For what?

T'RALTIXX: For the darkness. It hurts my eyes and makes me blind. I need to make light, Pilot. Bright light.

PILOT: What are you doing in there?

T'RALTIXX: Don't be alarmed. I'm just altering Moya's bioluminescence for a few moments. It won't hurt her. Trust me.

PILOT: I don't.

T'RALTIXX: The rest of your crew, do you trust them?

PILOT: What?

T'RALTIXX: Do you trust them?

PILOT: I - I don't know.

T'RALTIXX: Do you need the rest of them in order to function?

PILOT: No. They get in the way more than help.

T'RALTIXX: I suspected that. I can help you, Pilot. If you help me, I think I may have a proposition that you will find agreeable.

PILOT: Go on.

Zhaan sits unconscious on the floor. Chiana moves bins of food, while D'argo tinkers with John's module.

D'ARGO: Hurry up, you're not moving fast enough!

CHIANA: Well, why don't you get off your fat ass and help me?!

John enters.

JOHN: Did you kill Zhaan?

D'ARGO: [chuckles] No. No, she was walking around all sapped out, so I [makes a zapping sound, indicating he knocked her out] Now, she was reporting back to you, wasn't she?

Chiana joins D'argo on the pod.

JOHN: Gilligan and Mary Ann. Or maybe you're Ginger. I'd have to uh see you in a wonderbra to know. Where're you guys taking the Minnow?

CHIANA: We're just getting off Moya.

JOHN: In my module? I don't think so. Afraid it needs this [shows them a control board] to fly. And I've disabled the hangar doors, so…no one is getting off the boat.

John exits.

CHIANA: He didn't care about Zhaan.

D'ARGO: What?

CHIANA: Uh, D'argo. He um, he just left her here.

D'ARGO: Yeah.

CHIANA: You said - you said she was working for him.

D'ARGO: She was. She um…

CHIANA: Oh, she was? Stay back!

D'ARGO: No, Chiana, I -

CHIANA cuts in: No, you stay back.

Chiana exits.

D'ARGO: Um.

Aeryn pushes the war table across the room, to block the entry way to command.

AERYN: I'm not planning on stealing your food, Rygel.

RYGEL: I know that.

AERYN: Well then stay alert while I do this. We need some bargaining-

RYGEL cuts in: Oh stop quacking, I'm watching your back!

AERYN: Oh, brilliant. At this rate then, I'll survive what, an extra two microts?

RYGEL: If you don't watch it bitch, I'll jump back into an air duct and you'll be-

AERYN: What? Run away as always?

RYGEL: I never run away! I…strategically maneuver.

AERYN: Really?

She walks up to him, gun drawn.

JOHN: Heeeeeere's Johnny! [looks in the door, to Aeryn] Well, hiya honey!

She runs to the door, and he goes to the other side of the door.

AERYN: Go away!

JOHN: Hiya, kids. What's going on? Is this a…French Revolution type of thing?

AERYN: Stay out.

JOHN: Listen. I might be crazy….could be….but I got a plan. What do you say, we all put our guns down? We'll lock 'em in a closet, that way no one gets hurt.

AERYN: No!

JOHN: Honey, please.

Aeryn fires at him, just barely missing. He runs across the door, and puts his back to the wall.

JOHN: Shit!

AERYN: Next time you'll be a crouton, Crichton.

Rygel giggles.

JOHN to comm.: [whispers] Pilot! Pilot!

PILOT: Something the matter, Crichton?

JOHN: It's that damn Peacekeeper bitch. She's barricaded herself in the command. I think she's tryin' to take over the ship.

PILOT: I'm aware of her actions.

JOHN: Then shut her down! Lights, power, all of it!

PILOT: I'm sorry, John. I cannot do that.

JOHN: What? Pilot! Pilot!

AERYN: Got a bit of a problem, Commander? Well now you've got one more. Cause the only way you're going to get my weapon, is if I'm dead.

She points her pistol at her own head.

JOHN: Look at what you're doing.

AERYN: What?

JOHN: Look.

She glances at her gun and laughs.

AERYN: Yes! [laughs] You're right! [laughs] You're so right! [to Rygel] He's absolutely right. The power setting's too low.

She lunges and fires out the door at John.

AERYN: Thank you! So much better!

JOHN: You missed!!

John laughs and runs off.

Chiana watches the wanted beacon, in the corridor. The image of Scorpius repeatedly says "named John Crichton". John approaches.

JOHN: What you doin'?

She tries to run off but he grabs her.

JOHN: Whoa! Oh, no no! Hey, missy. Why you messin' with that beacon?

CHIANA: Well, hey, Johnny. Well I'm not messin' with nothin'.

She knees him in the groin, sending him to the floor. She giggles and takes off.

John watches the beacon as he recovers from his pain.

JOHN: Oh god. They…just don't get it. [spits] They don't get it Scorpy, they don't get how crazy they are.

Scorpius' image looks him dead on.

SCORPIUS: You're right, John. They don't get it. They don't get how crazy they are. Cause…[walks over to John]….cause they stole the crackers.

Aeryn arranges some cables on the command console.

RYGEL: You'll never be able to take over Moya! Pilot won't let you!

AERYN: I have disabled his ability to spy on us up here, we just have to hope that the others keep him busy!

RYGEL: Hope? Your great plan depends on hope! What if Pilot pumps poison gas in here, or -

AERYN cuts in: We have risk it, don't we? In any assault a soldier has to take chances and attack the nerve center.

RYGEL: Shut up! I don't need a grunt to give me a military assault lecture! I wrote military assault lectures!

AERYN: You?! The only thing you've ever assaulted is a plate of food cubes! Now shut up!

John walks the corridors with Scorpius accompanying him.

SCORPIUS: You remember that cracker? That older kid, Howie Louis, who beat you up. You were just twelve. It took months, but you got even. And you poured sugar, in poor Howie's Harley. Howie had no idea it was you.

JOHN: Yes. Yes.

SCORPIUS: Revenge, is a dish best served cold and you like revenge, don't you John?

JOHN: Shut up! I hate it…when villains quote Shakespeare.

SCORPIUS: They're coming to kill you John. And we'd better get ready.

T'raltixx's quarters.

T'RALTIXX: I need more light!!

PILOT: I'm already boosting in three additional core channels.

T'RALTIXX: I need more! Please, Pilot! You save me, then I'll save you!

PILOT: Save me from whom?

T'RALTIXX: From the others! Don't you understand? They're plotting against you! You may not trust me, but believe me, trust them much less.

PILOT: Boosting in two more core channels.

D'argo exits maintenance bay. John comes up behind him before he reaches the door.

JOHN: Drop it! Oh, go ahead. Try it, Medusa, try it. Down boy. Roll over.

D'argo eases his Blade, and tosses it on the floor.

JOHN: Good boy.

D'ARGO: Go on. Kill me.

John struggles with his emotions.

SCORPIUS: Go on, John, do it! Then we go to the beach. I know a place with naked Sebacean girls and Margarita shooters.

John points another gun in his left hand, at Scorpius, while keeping his right handed gun pointed at D'argo.

JOHN: Go away, Scorpy! You're not real! [to D'argo] Uh-uh. What? What? Am I being…irrational? Oh. Well, have a little pain.

He shoots D'argo in the shin. John walks over to D'argo.

SCORPIUS: Go on, finish him. Finish him! Then we can go to that little Italian joint I know.

John turns and points both guns at Scorpius.

JOHN: I don't like I-talian.

SCORPIUS: Don't be a coward. Kill him! Not me, him!

JOHN: 'Kay.

John turns, but D'argo is gone. All that's left is a black puddle of blood and a trail leading out of the room.

John cackles evilly.

Chiana travels the corridor.

CHIANA: D-D'argo? [pause] Zhaan.

JOHN: Hi baby.

He grabs her, whipping her around and slamming her into the wall. He has her pinned face first into the wall, with an arm pinned behind her.

CHIANA: Crichton? D-don't - I-I can help you.

JOHN: No, no, no, no, no, I'm still achin' from the last time you "helped" me. What a slut! [giggles] Is this why your family abandoned you? Cause you'd spread 'em for any body? Anytime.

CHIANA: John, please, please don't-

JOHN cuts in: Nope, 'fraid not. My little black book, so full.

SCORPIUS: John wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Show a little bit of patience. Tie her up. Then we can save her for dessert. Kill the others. Then we can have a little bit of fun with her.

JOHN: Nicccce. I like that idea.

John knocks her out.

Command.

RYGEL: Hurry up! Do you hear him? Hurry up! Crichton's coming!

AERYN: You're gonna sell me out, aren't you, when he comes?

RYGEL: What?

AERYN: You're gonna switch sides.

RYGEL: No!

AERYN: You're lying! You know how I know that? Because you always lie! You have no integrity, you have no honor! You cheat, you steal, you lie, you stuff your face, that's you!

Rygel hovers quickly towards her.

RYGEL: Oh you bit- !

Aeryn knocks him right out of his sled before he can even touch her.

JOHN: Well, well, well. This is becoming a problem you're gonna need professional help with. First you betray the Peacekeepers and every vow you've made since you were born. And now poor Sparky, here? [giggles] Tell me Princess, when you're old and fat, will you have anything to look back on with pride?

AERYN: Is that it? Oh don't stop. Why don't you make another speech, you self-important, deficient little man! All you ever do, is talk! Your father was the hero, you know. He did things. You, you're just this test monkey that screwed up your first experiment!

JOHN: [laughs] That is good! That is fan-tastic! Coming from a frigid, flat-butted, Peacekeeper skank! [laughs]

Scorpius shows again. This time he's wearing a Hawaiian-type (often referred to as "Mambo") shirt.

SCORPIUS: Kill her. Then we'll have pizza, and margarita shooters. Come on, John, kill her. Do it. Do it.

John points his right handed gun at Scorpius.

JOHN: Nobody…has margaritas….with pizza.

SCORPIUS: You're out of your mind, John.

John points both guns at Scorpius.

JOHN: I know.

Scorpius begins to laugh. John fires and Scorpius' head explodes into many tiny heads, all laughing.

AERYN: Are you cracking up, little man?

JOHN: Uh…

AERYN: Hello?

JOHN: I'm okay. Aeryn, listen to me-

AERYN cuts in: Oh, no-no-no-no-no. I am tired of having to always listen to you!

JOHN: Aeryn, listen, s- I just shot Scorpius!

AERYN: Shut up. You're wrong, you know. When I'm old and fat….when I'm old, there is one thing I'm gonna look back on with enormous pride, and that is killing you.

JOHN: Aeryn, he wanted me to shoot you!

Aeryn shoots the wall just behind his head. He shoots off to the side. The room suddenly explodes in gun shots from the both. They both dive behind a rib, and continue to fire at each other, until their guns are empty.

JOHN: Damn.

AERYN: Dren! Have you got any spare cartridges?

They make a run for each other.

John drags Aeryn's limp body into the center chamber. The rest of the crew is already there.

JOHN: Hiya, kids!

He handcuffs Aeryn to the table.

RYGEL: Let me go! I command it, you miserable-

JOHN cuts in: Oh, nobody's goin' anywhere, not even to Disneyland. Now, before we all have…the breakfast of losers [pours water on Aeryn] .. Oh, look everybody, Sunshine's awake! Renaldo! [kicks D'argo's wound] Even on a flesh wound ow-ow-ow-oooow! That must hurt! Sorry. Now that we're all here and…so happy. Do you think we can all get along for three microts?

D'ARGO: No.

JOHN: No? But D'argo, I need you to understand, that cracker's don't matter.

John fires on a pile of nearby crackers, showering D'argo with them.

JOHN: [laughs] Whoo! Have I got your attention now? Good! So, class! Today's assignment iiis…anyone? Anyone, anyone, anyone? A brand new car! [turns the door, T'raltixx's name is spelled on it] No! It's T'raltixx! T apostrophe R, A, L, T, I, double X, T'raltixx. Since he came on board, we've been fighting about everything, including these.

John fires on another pile of crackers, which fall on Chiana.

CHIANA: Frell!

JOHN: Now, I've been acting twisted, as well. Still am. Been seein' Scorpius like he's guest starring on Hawaii Five-Oh. [giggles] How crazy is that? But I realized something. Friggin' nuts that I am, it's not the pulsars affecting me!

RYGEL: Look, if you want me to believe anything you're saying-

JOHN cuts in: Shut up!

John fires, showering Rygel with crackers.

CHIANA: Frell you!

JOHN: We're past the pulsars. So how come we're acting even crazier? [pause] Zhaan.

ZHAAN: [sighs] Stop bothering me, I'm busy!

JOHN: Yes, yes, yes. Private moment number three hundred and forty four. Tell them.

ZHAAN: You tell them.

JOHN: Zhaan!

ZHAAN: When I was near T'raltixx, I was more affected than when I was in the light. He - he made me feel…

JOHN: Enough. Go for three hundred and forty five. [sucks in a breath] So, I have…as much as I hate to do this, oh god, I have to ask for your help.

AERYN: No!

John makes a beeping sound, as he trains his gun on a pile of crackers near Aeryn.

JOHN: Wrong answer!

He fires again, showering her with crackers as well. John cackles.

Pilot's den.

PILOT: I'm at systems overload!

T'RTALTIXX: I need more light!

PILOT: But, why? I'm not sure if I can!

T'RALTIXX: Moooore liiiight!

PILOT: Alright!

The room brightens.

T'RALTIXX: Can you feel it, Pilot? All of Moya is beginning to glooow! I am maaaaagniiiificeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeent!

Center chamber.

JOHN: Look, I want you to look at what he's doing to Moya!

He opens the door and the hallway is flooded in light.

JOHN: Look at the walls! They're glowing. Look.

D'ARGO: Why? Why would he want us to fight amongst each other?

JOHN: He wants us out of the way so he can create light.

ZHAAN: I noticed, between pleasures, he has hundreds of DRDs working. The sluice chambers are glowing.

D'ARGO: I think that it's a time we paid this creep a visit.

AERYN: And kill 'im. Undo me.

JOHN: Can I trust you?

AERYN: No.

JOHN: At least you're honest.

He unlocks her handcuffs. She pushes him back and gets in his face.

AERYN: Now, unless you plan on actually pulling the trigger, don't ever pull a gun on me like that, again.

JOHN: I was making a point.

AERYN: So was I.

JOHN: Don't! Stop it. Focus, here. [to everyone] Okay, T'raltixx said that we're attacked through our optic neurons. That's how he's getting to us. But I can deal with it, you just gotta find a way to keep the light and heat off of me and I'm gonna go in and kill 'im!

Aeryn unties everyone.

D'ARGO: You?! We're not sending you in there after him!

JOHN: Oh yeah? Well I'm the only one around here keeping it vaguely under control!

RYGEL: [scoffs] Says who?

JOHN: Says me, Buckwheat!

D'ARGO: You are no warrior! I will kill T'raltixx.

AERYN: No you will not, I will! You're wounded.

D'ARGO: No way. I want the first shot.

JOHN: Look at you two bozos! You'd kill each other before you got anywhere near T'raltixx!

CHIANA: He's right. He's gotta do it.

D'ARGO: Why?

CHIANA: Oh, don't you get it, furball? Look, Crichton's the only one not affected by T'raltixx, cause he's deficient!

JOHN: Who you callin' deficient?!

CHIANA: You! You've got the worst eyes out of all of us. That's why your optic nerves aren't being affected!

JOHN: I've got great eyes, they're better than 20/20 and they're blue!

CHIANA: Okay. So, can you read the symbols on the basin over there?

JOHN: [looks at basin] There's nothing there!

RYGEL: [chuckles] "Warning:….

D'ARGO: "Don't flush corrosives.."

AERYN: [covers one eye] "Down the waste tunnel."

JOHN: [chuckles] That's alright, that's a joke. [chuckles]

AERYN: Excellent. If we're gonna let blue eyes save the day, we better come up with a very good plan.

The crew files out.

JOHN: I'm not deficient. I'm superior. Humans. Are. Superior.

Maintenance bay. Zhaan rubs green gunk on John's face.

JOHN: What the hell is this?

ZHAAN: Heat deflecting paste. You'll burn up in there without it.

JOHN: It smells like puke.

ZHAAN: I pre-digested it to increase its potency.

JOHN: It's puke?!

D'ARGO: We're gonna have to move fast. All of Moya is glowing.

D'argo hands him his Qualta blade and a pair of goggles.

JOHN: I hate these goggles, they look like crap!

D'ARGO: Stop whining, you sound like a Zelmat. They're the only thing that'll stop you from going blind in there.

AERYN: Probably will, anyway. Here [hands him a shield] this may be of some use to you. I made it from a piece of my Prowler and it will withstand a Zakeon laser pulse.

JOHN: Thank you.

CHIANA: [puts a cape on him] Solar reflective flare wrap. Pull it on tight.

JOHN: Does this strike any of you superior beings as a little bit ironic?

CHIANA: What?

JOHN: That I'm the deficient one and I'm still saving your butts!

CHIANA: Bend over!

John bends over and she places a hat on his head.

CHIANA: We soaked it in Zhaan's bile paste for as long as we could.

JOHN: Great. I look ridiculous, don't I?

Aeryn nods.

RYGEL: Don't worry. This is T'raltixx's disappearing device. So it won't matter how ridiculous you look.

The crew looks on at him.

John hums The Flight of the Valkyrie. He raises the Qualta blade high in the air.

AERYN: We are going to die.

D'argo and Aeryn string out cord for the disappearing device.

D'ARGO: We've attached you to the module in the transport hangar.

JOHN: Fire the drive up for ten microts, no more! No mippippi, I do not want to blow up!

AERYN: When you get in there, cut off as many of the power conductors as you can. That should reduce his strength so that you can then get close enough to kill him, alright?

JOHN: Right. Damn, it's bright in there.

AERYN: You ready?

John nods.

AERYN to comm.: Now, Rygel. Only ten.

RYGEL: Yeees.

John turns invisible.

JOHN: Is it working?

D'ARGO: It's working. Go, John, go!

John turns and enters.

T'RALTIXX: There's someone in here, Pilot!

PILOT: I see no one.

RYGEL: Five, six…

John cuts the first connection.

T'RALTIXX: No! What are you doing, Pilot?!

PILOT: Nothing.

John cuts another.

RYGEL: Nine, ten…..eleven, twelve…

John cuts another.

T'raltixx sees the cord and fires at it, severing it. John's just about to cut another connection when he realizes he's no longer invisible.

T'RALTIXX: Crichton!

JOHN: Oh…crap!

T'RALTIXX: You can't stop me, Crichton!

John cuts another.

T'RALTIXX: I have the light!

JOHN: But humans are superior!!

He cuts another connection. T'raltixx begins firing on him, from his "eyes".

T'RALTIXX: You're too weak, Crichton! I will kill you!

T'raltixx rises up to the ceiling and clings there.

T'RALTIXX: I will get the light, and take over your ship and murder you all! Give me the light! I need more light!

JOHN: Put 'em up! [aims blade at him]

T'RALTIXX: You cannot stop me, Crichton. Even-

John fires at him, and he falls on his back.

T'RALTIXX: Go on, kill me! But there are thousands, just like me! We will find another Leviathan to make our light! And when we do, we'll spread like a plague! We will rise from our dormancy and kill you all!

JOHN: I told them, that it was a mistake, bringing you on board!

John drives the blade into T'raltixx chest, and twists it. As T'raltixx dies, he fires a shot, hitting the very top of the connections he's made, killing the rest of the light.

Center chamber.

PILOT on comm: I've…talked with everyone else. All I can say, is I'm terribly sorry. T'raltixx somehow brought out the worst in me.

D'ARGO: I think he brought out the worst in all of us, Pilot.

PILOT: Yes.

RYGEL: Your apology is accepted.

PILOT: Thank you. Thank you both.

D'ARGO to Rygel: I uh….I am ashamed….of what I did.

RYGEL: I thought you were going to kill me.

D'ARGO: I'm sorry, Rygel. Can you forgive me?

RYGEL: No. [pause] Not…..yet.

Command. John, Aeryn, Chiana and Zhaan all push the war table back in place.

CHIANA: That did it!

JOHN to Aeryn: Damn, that was heavy! How did you move it by yourself?

AERYN: Hm? Oh. I don't know. I just…did.

CHIANA to John: Some of the things you said…

JOHN: Yeah, look I'm sorry, really. Sorry-

CHIANA cuts in: Oh, no, no, no. look, don't apologize. I was impressed. How did you come up with all that crap?

JOHN: I don't know, Pip. It's just there.

ZHAAN: Did I - did I say anything awful, Chiana?

CHIANA: [laughs] You don't remember?

ZHAAN: No, T'raltixx triggered such an intense reaction in me, I blanked everything out.

CHIANA: Whoa! I wish I could do that. No, no Zhaan. Look, you were the best out of all of us. You looked like you were having…a great time.

Chiana exits.

JOHN to Aeryn: Listen, uh…anything I said, I uh-

AERYN cuts in: I - - I know. Me too.

Aeryn exits.

JOHN: Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. And all the kings horses and all the kings men….. Hey, Zhaan. How do we take it all back?

ZHAAN: I don't know.

JOHN: Yeah.

END OF EPISODE.

SCENE 031

"Crichton is tormented by a singing Scorpius mental clone".

John enters a corridor. Lights are flickering.

SCORPIUS: [singing] Fifty bottles of beer on the wall, fifty bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, forty nine bottles of beer on the wall.

JOHN: Somebody's messin with the lightsssss.

SCORPIUS: Oh, this is a good song! I know exactly where it's going. Do you know where you're going, John?

Scorpius stands closely behind John. After a few moments, they point in unison.

JOHN: Just down there.

SCORPIUS: Yes. They're all there. You know exactly what to do. All work and no play makes John a dull boy.

JOHN: [singing] Forty eight bottles of beer on the wall, forty eight bottles of beer...

END OF DELETED SCENES